I Honestly Don't Even Know How to Title This Post

I had a lot of good ideas for today's blog, most of which I'll probably write about in the coming week.

First I thought I was going to write about the debilitating 10-hour headache I got from inhaling too much cigar smoke, as opposed to puffing it. Luckily, when I was smoking it in public, I was kind of drunk off of beer and red wine, which certainly didn't help later, but proved invaluable to me looking like what I expected was a badass with a cigar and an Orange Crush shirt strutting like Melvin Van Peebles to his friend's car.

My brother then sent me a link from Deadspin regarding rumors of Mark Sanchez having a romantic tryst with a 17 year-old. Before I get to where this was going to take me in terms of writing, I would like to say, really, Mark Sanchez? You have to resort to illegal sexcapades as a ridiculously attractive sports superstar in New York, and frowny-pouty mcgee Jay Cutler is dating the hottest girl from "Laguna Beach?" I thought you were supposed to be cool, and also thought that your sexual assault days were long behind you. Old habits die hard, I guess. Thank gosh Matt Barkley is a devout Christian so I have someone from my school to cheer for and not have to worry about creepin' and underachievin'.

Long tangent aside, that link was going to make me steal an old Holy Taco gag, the "inner monologue" trick. I was going to write the inner monologue of an athlete's penis right before the owner of said penis was going to take a picture of it with his camera phone. I'll probably write that on Monday, actually, that could be funny, and for once I'd have a blog that doesn't mention myself in it in a self-deprecating fashion*.

Then I thought about a critical reassessment of The Darkness' much loved by me and hated by everyone else second album, "One Way Ticket to Hell and Back." I was going to write about this simply because I had the urge to listen to one of their songs, and that got me on a memory kick to the time and place where I was listening to The Darkness a lot. I'll probably write about that on Tuesday, because the withdrawal from making fun of myself will have kicked in at that point.

What derailed several good ideas came from the last idea. I decided to look up the song "America" that Justin Hawkins, the lead singer/guitarist of The Darkness recorded after leaving the band in the mid-2000's. The first video I found baffled me to no end.



I have no idea what language the writing is in, or why there is a picture of Obama and Bush morphed together. Also, the switch from an American flag to a God-knows-what flag was pretty baffling as well. I was going to look up the language, but I decided against it, if only to preserve the mystery and on the outside chance that me posting this video does make me a Communist sympathizer (is the Cold War still going on? I haven't watched the news in like, forever), I can at least claim absolute ignorance before I'm placed on some sort of list.

Anyway, a deceptively simple video and song really derailed my creative thought today. Just thought I owed you all an explanation.

*Although knowing me I'll find a way to sneak it in there. See, I just kind of did it right now; I'm a genius at putting myself down.