Post-Grad: An Analysis From A Post-Grad

I jokingly told my friend Andres that a screening of the 2009 Alexis Bledel film Post Grad needed to be in our near future, as we were both at the end of our time as students (yes, this is something I'm going to bring up for a while, as thinking of new things to say once a day is actually harder than I thought, and I don't want to start up my weekly "embarrassing admissions" posts until I can help it). As it stood, he hadn't come home, and one night the movie was on one of HBO's high definition channels.

So I watched it.

I'll point out that if it were on a standard definition channel, I probably wouldn't have watched it, as if that somehow saves my masculinity in any way.

I'll also point out that its supporting cast of Zach Gilford from "Friday Night Lights" and Michael Keaton didn't hurt the chances of me watching it. I mean, I gotta support Zach Gilford; he'll always be the awkward-yet-scrappy underdog in my book, and if I don't support him in his post-FNL ventures, who will? Plus, Michael Keaton is really weird and fun to watch. He's like Robert Downey Jr. if he had aged like the horrible drug addict he used to be, as opposed to just staying good looking. Bum rap for Keaton, I suppose.

Also, I guess Alexis Bledel is pretty adorable.

I think at this point, you're starting realize the movie is not good, with so many qualifying factors I've stated to justify halfheartedly sitting through it.

However, sitting through a bad movie about a person in the same position as me was about as perfect of an image I could pick for describing my life at this particular juncture, that of doing nothing but torture myself with bad media until I can find the agency to stop living vicariously and start actually making things (hey, look a blog post! I'm already on my way there!)

And as a bonus, it taught me a terrible life lesson that will in no way aid me past the rough patch of being an unemployed liberal arts student who lives with his parents.

(Spoilers follow. If you actually wanna watch the movie, probably shouldn't read past this)

(...But seriously, don't watch this movie, it's kinda bad)

The gist of the movie goes as such: girl leaves college teeming with optimism, has dreams crushed, sits around her parents place working awful jobs and ignoring the wonderful man that is her best friend (who is totes in love with her), then hooking up with a Brazilian dude, messing up a lot of small things, then falling into a job because she's less of a bitch than another girl, then quitting her dream job to finally move to a new state to be with the person she ignored for the whole movie and whom the screenwriters didn't justify her newfound love for (actually, I think it was something the hot Brazilian said to her; so the Brazilian did more in the courtship process for the friend than the friend could ever do; I guess this means if I ever want a hypothetical hot best friend to fall in love with me, I gotta befriend a lot more hot Brazilians). The end.

Wait, seriously? That's how this works? I screw up for a long time, and the everything falls into place only for me to decide that I don't care?

Well, darn, that's a relief. I thought I was going to have to work hard to reach goals and make good decisions. Turns out I could probably keep up my normal regiment of drinking with my friends, occasionally doing something horribly awkward and stupid, and making no real strides towards a career while I figure out who I really am. I bet you if I keep this up, I'll be offered directing or writing jobs left and right in no time based solely on the fact that my peer group that are currently getting jobs are douche bags (Please note, currently-employed peer group: I do not actually think this about you. I'm sure you're all fantastic people, and as a side note, please help me get a job).

Then, once that happens, I'll probably just say "eff it" and move to the other side of the country to be with the person I just found out I love with the help of the Brazilian dude I've been hooking up with.

Alright, looking back at this plan I just wrote out, I see it's a little flawed.

First of all, for this to work, I need a close friend that is in love with me that I'm also apparently in love with (troubling, as most of my closest friends are guys in relationships, and I'd rather not be a home wrecker). Second, and more difficult, I need to start hooking up with a beautiful Brazilian man.

So, um, does anyone know where Brazilian dudes hang out in San Diego? Because I really need to get a career soon, and if Post Grad taught me anything, it's that a good starting point for that is someone who looks like the guy who played Xerxes in 300.

Tune in tomorrow for an explanation of why I hate Jet's coach Rex Ryan. I'll give you a hint: it's because he's a tactless ass.