Big Brother Is Watching, But Don't Worry Because He's Pretty Inaccurate

I woke up today to find a website called Spokeo.com plastered onto a few statuses in my Facebook feed, usually with comments such as "freaky," or "REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THIS AND RE-POST."

Their urgency isn't unwarranted; if you wanna see why they're weirded out by this site, go to it and type your name in it. If nothing comes up, congratulations, you're off the grid*, and you should never write down any personal information anywhere to stay that way. But, for normal wholesome folks who are trusting enough to leave their front door open and give a cup of sugar or your social security information to a neighbor, bad news, you're on this website.

The latter group apparently includes my father and me. Extreme hermitude be damned. They have our names, addresses, family members, and apparently even how much money one makes. They might have even copy and pasted my "About Me" from my Myspace profile, which would indicate to would-be stalkers that I really have a problem with the film Annie Hall.

I only bring this up because there's a few weird quirks that make this situation kinda funny, at least in my mind. For starters, I'm listed at living in my parent's house (which for around nine or so months out of the year is not true these last four years). My brother, who also has probably listed that address for signing up for things several times, is listed as still living in Isla Vista or the same exact house number and street name in San Diego (small world, I suppose). My mother, who does not share a common last name with the rest of my nuclear, but does live in the same house, is not listed as a family member or someone who lives in said house, because despite having thorough information, they can't account for the nuances and quirks of my family. Take that, machines.

Anyway, the reason I find this funny, is that with a quick amateur-stalker glance at my profile, you'll see that I am an unemployed twenty-something living with his old (relatively) curmudgeon (kind of) dad in suburban San Diego.

What I'm getting at, is that this profile thinks my life is the basic plot of "$#*! My Dad Says," and I am absolutely fine with that. If I ever sign up for an account on that thing (I'm not, but still just go with me), I'm going to post episode recaps on it as dramatic reenactments of what happens in the Spencer-Dad household. That way, everyone will think we're a lot more exciting than we actually are. Although we do have a small poodle, something that show does not have. When comparing one's self to William Shatner, you have to fight every small battle you can, because you'll probably lose the big ones.

*Except for the fact that the actual government probably knows what you're up to.