Booze Billboards Near Beverly Hills

The first real "topic" post I did on this thing was about Four Loko's banning and subsequent non-caffeinated re-release. I still think this is total horse-hockey, which is why I was mad while driving to the gym to see this rather douche-y billboard (at least the photo was taken during near-magic hour, so the sky looks pretty):

It's not the best quality, as I took it out of my window driving away from it during a green light, but it's an absinthe add with a bottle that just has green spooky eyes on it with the phrase "Lights, Camera, Absinthe." You see, because we're in Hollywood, and we are all Hollywood types, the add caters to us.

Anyways, the website says that it's the first legal absinthe with proper wormwood standards and stuff to be released in a long while in the States, which is awesome. Totally awesome; stupid slogan and Halloween spooky eye bottle design aside, it's nice to have a once-illegal drink made legal, and at 124 proof, no less.

The reason I'm mad about this, however, is if we can get absinthe legally now, why the hell does Four Loko have to go all decaf on us? As I pointed out before, it's not hard to find a loophole in that (pour Red Bull in a can of Four Loko and you have Four Loko Classic).

I hate to get all socio-economic on this blog, mostly because I don't know what I'm talking about when I start talking about this stuff, but I find it annoying that a long-illegal thing at 60 bucks a bottle should be made legal when Four Loko is being denied the privilege of getting people fucked up. That means the hard working folk who wanna get mad crazy drunk and maybe hallucinate a bit are denied that, while the fat cats can have whatever crazy absinthe parties they want*.

I'm a man of simple principles. Mainly, one principle: I like the idea of having whatever type of booze I want; I feel like it's my civil liberty, mostly because I'm kind of stupid and don't really understand intricacies, but nonetheless, keep absinthe illegal if we can't imbibe Four Loko Classic.

Or, even better, just make Four Loko and absinthe both legal. Kids will figure out ways to get alcohol poisoning even with an absence of those two.

*See what I was talking about, not knowing anything about socio-economics?

In Which I React to Award Nominations Again

The Academy Awards has to pull some weird, voodoo shit for me to make me angry about the Coen Brothers getting nominated for best director.

You don't get it. I love the Coens. Unhealthily, some might say. My therapist definitely says that (I don't have a therapist but if I did...).

I'm so convinced of the Academy's black magic, that I'm convinced that they put me and Spencer under a spell last night so that we got drunk enough to think going to a pool hall to drink even more than we already had was a good enough idea to call my mom to pick us up over, thereby giving me a hangover this morning and forced me  to reevaluate my life.

And then, at my weakest hour, they throw this shit at me.

What's weird is the nominations are actually cool. Jeff Bridges got nominated (won't win), Toy Story 3 got a best picture nom (also won't win), and the Best Supporting Actor category was comically weighted in the favor of the front-runners for the award (Jeremy Renner is great, sure, but did he really need a nomination for The Town? That joint was all Ben Affleck, man).

What sucks is that Christopher Nolan didn't get nominated for best director.

Again.

The guy that single handedly made talking about dreams cool again didn't get nominated for best director. Is there no justice in this world?

I tell myself every year I won't care about Oscar nominations, and every year I do this to myself.

But to be brutally honest, I think my head hurts more because of the hangover, not the Nolan snub, which I guess means I'm taking a step in the right direction.

I'll repeat what I said on my Facebook status. One, I hope that if Shia Labeouf has a stoner name, it's "Higha Lapuff." More important to this blog post though, is that Christopher Nolan will become the Alfred Hitchcock of our time in terms of making ridiculously solid movies and always getting snubbed.

Brevity Monday/Jets Lose/Icing Conundrum

Yesterday was my birthday, which I viewed as an exception to my weekend "don't write too much" rule. I had something to say, and it wouldn't have worked as well the day after my birthday.

And since today I don't want to write anything, I'm moving my brevity rule to Monday just this once, because I can, because I don't feel guilty about breaking my own rules because I'm incredibly lazy and don't hold myself to a high standard.

Two quick subjects:

Obviously, the NFL was waiting to present me with a birthday gift after making me hate the season by week 13 when Aaron Rodgers had to get a concussion and screw my fantasy team over (yes, I am one of those people who cares about fantasy football too much, but there was money involved, and I enjoy money)

The Jets lost on my birthday. Rex Ryan looked like he was going to cry on my birthday. I feel like there are karmic forces in the world, and I must've done something great to have that happen. If only I had saved a bus of orphans somehow, karma might've paid me back by having the Jets lose to the Chargers. Something to shoot for next year, I guess.

Also, the Saturday before my birthday, I got Iced. During said Icing, my brother joked that Icing is past its prime. Some people I talked to about the Icing also responded in the negative.

I say nay. It was fun, still enjoyable. This is because my friends and I only do it on special occasions, such as birthdays or when someone deserves it.

Icing a bro can still be very fun. In moderation.